Saving CSI Ryan
by Bluewater
Summary: While Ryan suffers at the hands of drug dealers who believe he cheated them, he learns that Horatio might have sold him out in order to capture the top players in the drug trade. The revelation will not only destroy Ryan, but shatter the team.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: No profit is made from the story and all CIS characters do no belong to me. _

_The story contains violence, mild use of language, drug addiction, torture and all the good stuff you don't want your parent to find out about. So be warned. _

_I accept all donations in the form of a review! _

_Enjoy!_

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Saving CSI Ryan…

**Prologue: His chance **

President Lincoln wrote a heart-broken letter to a mother that lost five sons in the Civil War. The letter is famously known as the Bixby letter.

Freedom is not free and the price is offer beyond the comprehension of a common individual. It is when one buried its child that the anguish of that lost is appreciated. Mrs. Wolfe buried her husband soon after the birth of her second child, Ryan. Her first son died in an illegal sport car race. Her second son, Ryan, was now missing.

She knew something was not right when she couldn't reach Ryan three days in a row. It wasn't like her son to ignore her and his OCD made him return every phone call even if it was a telemarketer.

A hand lied on her shoulder caused her to look up into the eyes of Lieutenant Horatio Caine, Ryan's boss. There was nothing but determination in Horatio's eyes. If anyone was going to find her son, it was this man.

"Lieutenant…please bring him back." The request was simple, the task was demanding. How could Horatio deny a mother's plea? If the table was turn and it was Kyle on the other end, he would have asked the same thing.

"I will" Horatio answered with certainty. Dead or alive, he would bring Ryan back. If not to comfort the mother, it was for his owe redemption. After all, it was Horatio that sent Ryan into the undercover operation. If anyone had to take the responsibility for the result, it would be Horatio.

Natalia walked up and guided the mother towarded a waiting officer.

"What is his chance 'H'" Eric asked as he witnessed the whole exchange.

"I am not sure Eric, but I know his chance increases with every effort we make." Horatio answered.

"Then we better get started." Eric said.

"You got it Eric."

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_If I die today, will you lay the flowers on my grave?_

_Will you say the prayers for the brave?_

_If tomorrow will never come, how will you live your last day?_

_How will you face the sins of yesterday? _

~bluewater


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: sorry for the late update. Work has been crazy.

Thank you for all the reviews. It is the greatest gift an author can ask for.

Please enjoy!

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Chapter 1: Her mistake

Five hours later, an exhausted Eric still has not found anything that would help to locate his co-worker. The recovery was taking a toll on everyone in the office and casted a black cloud over Miami-Dade Police. Ryan has been missing for 15 hours now. He was still within the crucial first 24 hours of being missing. The chance of Ryan being found alive diminished with each hour and the usual rule was that after the first 48 hours, you might as well be looking for a body.

The undercover operation was simple. Ryan was supposed to pose as a buyer and walked in and walked out. But he never walked out. Against her better judgment, Calleigh didn't immediately call for the raid on the location that Ryan walked into when he lost contact. She wanted to give him more time in case he was in the middle of the deal. However, 20 minutes was enough for the suspects to vacate the house and Ryan was nowhere to be found.

Calleigh has been blaming herself even since Horatio pulled them back.

Eric decided to take a break and checked on Calleigh.

She looked like she hasn't move from the spot she sunk down when they got back. Her head buried between her knees and her back against the wall. Her blond hair draped in front of her and covered parts of her elbows.

Eric slowly kneed down by her side and gently stroked her elbow.

"Calleigh…It's not your fault…"

There was no movement for a couple of minutes as Eric carefully embraced his lover and then a soft sob escaped. Eric tenderly smoothed her back and whispered words of consolation.

Within seconds, the sob turned into a hauntingly cry. Calleigh held onto Eric as if he was her life line and the awful images of attending Ryan's funeral flashed briefly across her eyes. She let out an excruciating shriek and collapsed into her lover's waiting arms.

"Calleigh..baby, get a hold of yourself!" Eric encouraged as he used all of his strength to prevent both of them from tipping backward.

"I..can't…I can't face this…he is going to die…"Between sobs, Calleigh let out a string of words.

"Wolfe is a tough boy, he is going to figure a way out, I promise."Eric comforted. _Was he going to? _Eric was surprised that they didn't find Ryan's dead body when they raided the house and after running all the blood inside the house through trace, none belonged to Ryan. So in a way, it was a good sign. However, no one knows for sure how long Ryan would last.

"How do you know?" Calleigh tilted her head and asked.

"Because he is Wolfe and he is not the type to go down without a fight." Eric answered.

"You never had much faith in him, so why now?" Calleigh inquired.

Calleigh's question stunned Eric as he realized she was right. He never got along with Speed's replacement. His resentment towards Ryan was not a secret. In fact, the whole department knew Eric Delko didn't like Ryan Wolfe.

"I…because Wolfe promised me he will come back alive and he never break any promise."Eric answered.

Calleigh chucked at her lover's invented answer. "I think this is his first promise to you."

"I know…he better not break it then. I don't take kindly to people that can't keep their promises" Eric said and his comment earned a small smile from Calleigh.

The two CSI sat there, enjoyed each other's company and comfort until a presence behind Eric alarmed the young man. He quickly stood up and ready to assault whoever that had annoyed them.

Eric was faced with Horatio.

"Eric, if you two are done, I like to speak with Calleigh." Horatio said without acknowledging the scene he just witnessed.

"Yea…yea we are done. I'll wait for Calleigh in the trace room." Eric said in an embarrassment. He extended his hand and gently pulled Calleigh up.

Eric nodded towards Horatio and with one last look to make sure Calleigh was all right, he walked toward the trace lab.

"Please don't Horatio." It was Calleigh that spoke first as she stood before Horatio with her head down.

"Calleigh, if anyone should take responsibility for what happen, it's me." Horatio said as he took a few steps toward the CSI.

"Sympathy is not going to change the fact that I made the call, I led the operation and I failed!" Calleigh shook her head as more tears threatened to fall.

"You do not fail until you give-up and I believe that my CSIs are not capable of ever giving-up." Horatio said.

"I am not so sure about that." Calleigh whispered softly.

"Calleigh, please look at me." Horatio gently requested and shifted his position.

Calleigh slowly lifted her head and stared blankly at her boss. Her eyes were blood-shot from crying and the lack of sleep. Her make-up was smeared on her face and her once combed hair was a mess. She looked like she has been through hell and back.

"I hate myself." Calleigh whispered.

"He is alive, but time is not on our side. I need your help." Horatio said.

"I can't Horatio. I already made a mistake that's going to cost Ryan his life." Calleigh shook her head.

"This is not your first mistake and certainly will not be your last. I know my CSIs are capable of extraordinary things, but I also know they are human. You could not have predicted what was happening in that house. You make the call to the best of your knowledge. I am not asking you to find him. I am ordering you. I know if Ryan…if he doesn't make it back, you'll never forgive yourself for not helping to find him. I need your help" Horatio asked firmly.

Calleigh didn't answer and stood there with Horatio. Calleigh, being one of the few females that worked in a male dominated field, has often displayed a tough composure. Her strong balletic expertise, can-do anything attitude and ruthless pursue of suspects have earned her a solid reputation in CSI and few dare to mess with Calleigh. Horatio being the one that has often challenged her was also the few that understood Calleigh also has a fragile side.

It was Horatio's job to protect Miami, but it was also his job to protect his team. He already failed once; he wasn't going to let Calleigh blamed herself forever.

"Do you think he is alive?" Calleigh whispered.

"I know he is." Horatio answered with certain. "Mr. Wolfe isn't one to go down without a fight."

"I should go help Eric." Calleigh said softly.

"Go home and get some sleep Calleigh, you need it." There was no room for argument in Horatio's tone. Calleigh simply nodded and walked toward the elevator.

Horatio pulled out his cell, "Eric, take Calleigh home and look after her. She needs someone right now."

Within in seconds, Eric ran passed Horatio, nodded to his boss and continued to catch-up to Calleigh.

_Mr. Wolfe, wait for us. _

* * *

[_about Horatio_]  
**Detective John Hagen**: All I'm saying is, that's one hell of a lonely road he's walking.  
**Calleigh Duquesne**: I know. That's why I'm walking it with him.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! The poem at the end of chapter was written by me. Its kind a hobby (writing poems).

I love reading the reviews, it's the first thing I do in the morning when I log-on to and the second is to check the updates for my favorite stories!

To all the authors, as a reader, we often forget the courage it takes for you guys to write and to share the story publicly with everyone. So don't ever let a bad review discourages you because there are ten more readers that appreciate your work! So keep on writing!

To all the readers, as an author, we often forget that our readers are also emotionally involved with our stories. Not only do you all leave reviews, but constantly check for updates and can't wait for the next chapter. For that, we, authors are forever grateful! So keep on reviewing!

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**Chapter 2: Their Drugs**

"Ryan! If you don't hurry your butt down here, there wouldn't be any pancakes left for you!" Ryan's mother yelled. It was a constant battle in the morning to get her sons up and out the door for school.

'Coming mom!" Ryan yelled back. His mother's homemade pancake was not only a family favorite but also a welcome treat for his friends as well. Ryan lost count the times that his mom bought pancakes to PTA meetings for other parents and teachers.

Ryan lost his father when he was only 6 months old. He only heard stories about his father from his older brother and his mother. Maybe that was why Ryan looked up Horatio, a father figure for Ryan.

Horatio…

_Wait…I was supposed to meet Horatio today…_

A white light flashed before Ryan's eyes and he blinked several times to try to adjust to the light.

"Good to have you with us, or should I address you as Ryan Wolfe?"

A bucket of ice-cold water was splashed onto Ryan's face and dripped down his neck. Ryan felt the cold water, but it didn't register to him why someone was pouring cold water onto him. He also felt sore all over, like he had been sleeping in a wrong position the whole night.

"Mr. Wolfe, glad you are with us. You have been lying to us and it's time we get some answers."

"Who…are…you" Ryan tried his best to adjust to the light, but he really couldn't see the person that was talking to him. _Only Horatio called me Mr. Wolfe. _

"I am the person that you cheated 11 million dollars out of. I need some answer Mr. Wolfe. My client is asking me for the shipment. I need to know what happen."

"What shipment?" Ryan asked. He really didn't know what those guys were talking about.

"You son of a bitch, we lost 11 million worth of drugs!" Another taller guy yelled and slapped Ryan.

_Ouch…wait drugs…oh the meeting…_

Everything suddenly came back to Ryan. The set-up raid, the trade-off and the drug homicide that the CSI has been following for months were all coming back to Ryan.

_Wait, where am I, where is Calleigh? _

"Mr. Wolfe, let me introduce myself, I am Al and you cheated 11 million dollars worth of drugs from. Now I need to feed my family. So if you tell me what happen and where the drug is, nobody gets hurt." Al said as he leaned forward to look at Ryan.

By the look of it, Al was definitely your typical drug trade leader. Tall build, mid-fifths and couple of fingers missing, most likely from his old days.

"I don't know what you are talking about…I gave you the money." Ryan pretended he didn't know anything. To be honest, Ryan didn't know what they were talking about. How did he cheat them? He was supposed to act as a purchaser and buy drugs.

"Well let me remind you Mr. Wolfe, you somehow found out where we store the drugs through one of dealers and send your guys to take them. They took 11 million dollars worth of drugs. I need to know where **those drugs are at**."Al said and emphasized the last part.

"I don't know; I didn't take it." Ryan said. It was partly the truth. Ryan knew where they were keeping a large stack of drugs through a dealer that needed some extra cash fast, but other than Horatio, he didn't mention to anyone and Horatio had told him that they would wait until they had the top guys to bust the operation. Horatio wouldn't just send a raid on the location and jeopardize the whole plan, not to mention Ryan's life.

"Well Mr. Wolfe, my source tells me that it was you who found out about our location and decided to take the drugs." Al said.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Ryan said as the other guy slapped him again on the cheek.

"You son of a …"

"Enough Louis." Al warned.

"But boss…!" Louis protested and was looking ready to hit Ryan again.

"Violence never solves anything, you know my way Louis, they can't tough it out." Al said and looked at the guys behind him.

"Mr. Wolfe, looks like you are about to enjoy a nice party." Al said as he patted Ryan's cheek again and turned around and walked toward the door.

"You know what to do boys, I want him talking like there is no tomorrow in 12 hours." Al said as he exited the building.

"You hear the boss! Prepare everything!" Louis ordered the rest of the guys in the building.

Ryan knew he was in some serious torture when Al said 12 hours. But Ryan didn't know what Al was talking about. They were not even close to figuring out the top guys in the operation. Horatio wouldn't just raid a drug warehouse which was a key evident and a lead without telling Ryan.

For the first time since Ryan woke-up, he noticed he was tied to a chair in a warehouse filled with newspaper. The position he was in was not that uncomfortable, but the ropes were biting into his skin and making his hands and feet numb.

"Alright you little puke, I am not nice like my boss, I need information in 12 hours, and you are going to tell us one way of another. But you know what, no one has lasted that long, especially not with the new stuff we got, ha-ha." Louis laughed.

He turned to the one of the guys that was preparing a needle on a nearby table. The guy injected something into a syringe and he lightly tapped the syringe. The guy handed the syringe to Louis with a smile and said. "I wish I was on the receiving end."

"Yea in about 4 hours, you wouldn't be wishing that." Louis smiled.

Ryan was panicking. He was self-preparing for the torture, but ever since he was a kid, he always had a fear of needles.

"Let see how long you can hold it out for." Louis said and bended down to roll up Ryan's left shirtsleeve.

"Go screw yourself!" Ryan yelled as he tried to move in the chair.

"Hold him down boys! I am going to make him cry." Louis said as he tapped on Ryan's shoulder searching for a vein. The other guys walked over and two held down Ryan's shoulder to prevent him from tipping the chair. Another guy shifted the ropes that were binding him a bit and the rest stood and watched the show.

Louis' left hand took hold of Ryan's arm and he carefully injected the substance at a 45 degrees angle into Ryan's left arm vein.

By then Ryan had closed his eyes and was trying to not think about the needle.

Ryan was prepared for the pain, the torture. However, as soon as needle was pulled out, Ryan felt a warm rush in his blood and somehow it felt good to him. The sensation settled down and Ryan was on the edge of pleasure. He felt great.

"Oh yea boys, he is feeling it. It's the good stuff." Louis said. "Another one!"

One of the guys handed Louis another syringe and he quickly injected into Ryan.

By then Ryan's mind was all cloud over. He felt great, but at the same time tired. He also stopped struggling all together. His body somehow felt weighted down. Another syringe was injected into Ryan.

'Hey Louis, you better stop or this guy is going to OD on this crap." One of the guys that were watching the show said.

"Well, I think three is enough for now. He is going to come down from it please fast and start crave for it." Louis said as he threw away the syringe in his hand.

"I don't see how this is going to get him talk" Another guy in the group walked up to stare at Ryan.

"Pshh, Dan, you don't understand, boss has been doing this for years, it works way faster than torture and beating the crap out of them. Once the stuff wears off, they are going to want more and they can't last long without getting another hit. By then they will tell even their mommy's secret and split everything up. It'll be a walk in the park to get the information out of him." Louis explained.

"What kind crap is that?" Dan asked as he stared at the multiple syringes on the table.

"The purest heroin you'll ever find on the street my boy! The rush is like nothing else, but it also wears off fast. Once you touch this stuff, you'll never be satisfied with anything else. With the dose I am giving him, he is going to be begging for another one in about an hour or so." Louis smiled as he looked at Ryan jerked in the chair.

"Don't ever touch crap like this boys or your brain will be gone before you can say heroin!" Louis warned.

Ryan felt the world was spinning in different colors and his mouth a little dry. The rush he felt earlier was gone and replaced by a numb sensation. He couldn't really understand what the guys around him were saying, but he could see their mouths were moving.

"Wa..t..er.." Ryan choked on his own saliva. His mouth felt extremely dry.

"Ha-ha this bitch wants water!" Louis laughed and motioned for one of the guys to bring a bucket over.

The icy cold water was splashed over Ryan and he was soaked from head to feet. Ryan twisted against the ropes that were binding him and desperately tried to suck in air.

'St..op…stopp…" Ryan gasped. The cold water was making it hard for Ryan to breath. "St..op…"

"Look at him haha, I haven't had this much fun in a long time." Dan laughed as he jabbed at Ryan.

Ryan felt like he was going to sick. He closed his eyes as a wave of nausea washed over him. He spat water from his nose and mouth as he tried to breath. His vision was blurry by the water and he started to shiver.

Ryan couldn't remember why those guys were doing this to him. He couldn't remember why he was here in the first place anymore.

As the guys around Ryan laughed and jabbed at him, Ryan suddenly tilted backward and with the chair he was bonded in, he fell backward and head down on the floor.

"Man, what a joke, he is already gone from the high." Louis said as stared down at Ryan.

'Dude, did you overdose him?" Dan asked as he kneed down to check on Ryan.

"Man, I think he passed out!" Another man said.

Dan carefully lifted Ryan's head, "he doesn't look good."

"Leave it; we will be back in an hour or so! I got some business to take care of." Louis said as he walked toward the exit. A few guys followed and Dan looked a last look at Ryan and ran after them.

Ryan was a scene of misery. He was soaked all-over and struggled to get in a comfortable position against the ropes. With the last of his strength, Ryan coughed the water in his lung out and allowed the empty darkness to take him.

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"The odds are so against you..."- Jonathan Togo (His response in regard to being picked to play a character in such successful series)


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: A little short, but still review! I absolutely love reading the reviews.

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**Chapter 3: Don't kill him**

"Louis, I gave you what you want it. Now is your turn."

"Always in such hurry Caine. Our deal is not done yet. I said I want Big Al gone, but your man took the drugs!" Louis shouted. "We just lost 11 mill ok and Al is still here."

"Your information was wrong too. Al wasn't there when my men busted the warehouse. Look Louis I already sold out one cop to cover your ass about the drugs. You have to give me what I want or else this thing is going to go south."

"Cover my ass! Don't act like you don't have anything to hide. We are in this together! I know you are a cop." Louis smirked.

"You don't know anything!" Louis was pushed against the wall and a knife was positioned against his neck.

"Whoooo, chill man." Louis said as he fought leaned back more against the wall to get away from the knife.

"What I do is none of your business, just like how I don't ask about your business in selling out your boss. Got it!"

"Man yea got it." Louis said as the knife was slowly removed. "Look Caine, I really don't care what you are up, but let's make it clear, if Al doesn't go down, I can't move up and you can't get what you want it. My men are too loyal to him. The only way to bring him down is using Miami police."

"What are you doing with Ryan Wolfe?"

"You mean that CSI? I am just using him to cover my ass until Al lets go off drugs we lost. Can't let Al find out I told you the location." Louis answered.

"Just don't kill him. I had no choice but to sell him out to cover your ass!"

"Alright alright." Louis said. "I got to get back; the boys will notice that I been gone too long."

"Hey, remember don't kill Ryan Wolfe."

"Yea I hear you Raymond Caine!" Louis yelled before he headed out.

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_Horatio Caine: "You know what they say, you lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell"._


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! _

_All the side-effects of heroin overdose are based on my research and reading from the inter-web. _

_Please review and Don't do drugs! _

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Chapter 4: Is he going to be ok?

Ryan couldn't tell if he was hot or cold. One minute he felt like he was burning and the next he felt like he was freezing. Ryan was going to sick. Waves of the nausea were causing his head to explore. Ryan blinked several times, but his vision didn't clear. He couldn't figure out where he was or what happened. Ryan realized his shirt and pant were wet and he couldn't move his arms or legs at all. The realization of what happen came back to him in full force as he struggled to break free.

Ryan stopped struggling when he realized two guys were sitting a few feet away and injecting something into their veins.

"Dude, this stuff is good…"

"Yea man I agree."

"I am glad Louis went out to meet that cop, we need a break."

"Yea I heard it was that cop that told us about him over there."

"Whooo a dirty cop, that is cool."

Ryan froze. Someone inside sold him out. Someone on his team was working with the drug dealers. Not a lot of people knew about the operation Horatio had put together and even less people knew about Ryan's role. The realization sent chills down his spine. It was scary to think that someone inside the team was working with the drug dealers and scarier to think that it could be any of his co-workers.

Ryan's thought drifted away as he lied there shivering in his wet clothes.

_Calleigh? It could be her, she didn't call the raid. _

_Or Eric , he sold the team out once, didn't he?_

_Or Walter…he was a suspect, was he?_

_Jesse could do…?_

_Or _

_Horatio….no…he would never do that, would he? _

"Boys, how are you doing?"

Ryan's thought was cut short when Louis stepped into the warehouse.

"Boss, this stuff is good…"One of the men injecting the drugs said.

"Dammed! I told you not to touch that stuff." Louis shouted at two drug addicts and forcefully took the syringes from their hand.

"How is he doing?" Louis asked as he ignored their complaints.

"I think he is coming around Louis." Dan said as he kneed down and patted Ryan's cheek.

Ryan groaned at the contact as Dan's action was causing him another headache.

"Alright, time for another dose." Louis said as he bended down and injected the syringe he took from the two drug addicts earlier.

Ryan tried to shy away from the syringe, but the ropes preventing any movement. Ryan felt the sting as the needle entered his body. The rush feeling was back, along with the pleasure. However, this time, the feeling passed quicker than last time and it was replaced by a numbing sensation. Ryan couldn't feel his limbs and his mouth felt drier than ever.

He tried to talk, but the only sound that came out was a howl.

"Louis, he doesn't look so good." Dan said as he watched Ryan struggled to turn his head.

"Man chill ok. I got this." Louis said as he injected another syringe into Ryan.

The reaction to the drug was instant as Ryan vomited his last meal all over Louis.

"Ew man, what the hell!" Louis dropped the syringes and backed up away quickly.

"Dude, you better stop Louis.' Dan said and walked up to check on Ryan.

"Hey you two come over here and help me get him clean-up." Louis yelled at the two drug addicts.

"Whoooo look at the Tin man. He is so pale. We should take him out to get some sun." One of the addicts said as he walked over with the other.

"Louis! I don't think he is ok." Dan said as he started to untie the ropes.

"What are you doing?" Louis yelled.

"Man, he's not going anywhere, look at him Louis. The guy could barely breath, not to mention walk." Dan explained as he started to pull away the ropes.

Ryan coughed weakly as the ropes fell away. His mouth felt extremely dried despite the water that still dripping down toward his lips. He wanted them to leave him alone and just let him sleep, but someone was poking at him and yelling for him to stay awake.

"He needs a doctor man, you overdosed him." Dan said as he continued to encourage Ryan to stay awake.

"Are you crazy?" Louis shouted at Dan.

"Hey man, I am not going to be responsible for a dead man." Dan said and stared at Louis.

"He's not dead. We'll give him some painkiller and he'll be all fixed up." Louis walked over to the table where all the syringes were placed and picked up a bottle and dumped a couple pills onto his hand. He also grabbed a glass of water from the table.

"You sure?" Dan asked.

"Yea man, watch." Louis said as he kneed down by Ryan and forcefully opened his mouth and dumped the pills into his it.

Ryan felt someone's a hand was holding his cheeks and forced his mouth opened and he feebly struggled against it. Water poured into his dry mouth and he desperately drunk the sweet liquid with the pills.

"See he is ok." Louis said as he backed away from Ryan and placed the glass on the floor.

"Let me go clean-up and I'll be back to take care of this." Louis said.

The water hasn't help Ryan at all. Somehow he felt worst than he could ever remember. The burning sensation in the back of his throat was back and he was biting back waves of nausea. Suddenly, he felt his stomach gave out and acid washed up against his throat as he retched.

"ewww Tin man is throwing up again." One of the addicts said.

It felt like hours as the acid burned against Ryan's throat and mouth. The disgusting taste of salty fluid poured onto the ground as Ryan struggled to hold himself up. He didn't have any strength left and collapsed against the cold pavement. The retching caused Ryan to tear and his lungs to burn. For a few seconds, Ryan couldn't breathe. He lied on the icy floor twisting like a fish struggling for water.

"Dude, what do we do?" One of the addicts asked.

"Louis…Louis!" Dan yelled at the top of his lungs as he and the other two were freaked out by Ryan's reaction

"What! What!" Louis ran back toward the group.

Louis cut between the three guys and stared at Ryan. By then Ryan has curled up in a fetal position and shriving violently on the ground.

"What do we do Louis?" Dan asked.

"Nobody touches him." Louis ordered and ran out the warehouse.

Louis pulled out his cell and dialed the number from memory. "Caine, we got an issue. You better get over here. Al isn't going to be back until tomorrow."

Louis shifted his position and looked around to see if anyone followed him out.

"No Caine, I didn't kill him. He is sick. I don't know what's wrong. You better get over here ok!" Louis closed his cell and walked back inside.

"Man I don't think he's breathing." One of the addicts said as he searched for a pulse against Ryan's neck.

"I said not to touch him! You idiots don't ever listen!" Louis shouted as he pushed the addict that was kneeing next to Ryan out of the way.

"I don't think he is alive." The addict said.

"Well it doesn't matter. Someone is coming to take him away. Get a trash bag and put him in it." Louis commanded.

Ryan felt something plastic around his body and he grabbed onto it as he tried to get warm. The addicts with Dan's help slowly lifted Ryan into a trash bag and tied the ends.

Louis's phone suddenly vibrated and he walked outside with it. 5 minutes later, a pissed off Raymond Caine followed Louis and entered the warehouse.

"Let me see him." Raymond ordered.

The three guys looked at Louis and he nodded. Dan walked over and untied the bag and slowly pulled Ryan out by his feet. Ryan was still shivering.

"Louis…I told you not to kill him!" Raymond explored at the sight.

"Caine, I didn't kill him. He is breathing. But he's not staying here. Al wouldn't be happy if he sees a dead body." Louis explained.

"We need to get him to a hospital." Raymond said as he kneed down to check Ryan's pulse.

"No way man. This is going to trace back to us. You can forget what you want to achieve. But for me, my life is on the line." Louis said as he stared at Raymond.

Raymond Caine stood there with his hand to his hips, a position that was very much similar to his brother, Horatio Caine.

Through the burning tears in Ryan's eyes, that is exactly whom he thought he saw, his boss, his mentor and his friend. Trembling like a leaf in the rain, Ryan struggled to reach-up to Raymond.

No, Horatio…

"I am going to take him to a safe house and we'll decide from there." Raymond said. "Get him a blanket. I am not carrying him in a trash bag."

Louis looked at Raymond and then motioned for his guys to follow Raymond's order.

"Ray, don't play me. You know we are in the same boat. If I sink, I am taking you with me." Louis warned.

"You should be grateful Louis; I am here cleaning up your mess! Don't ever speak to me like that again!" Raymond pulled a gun and pointed directly at Louis.

"Whoo man, we are cool." Dan interrupted and backed away from the group with his hands up

"Tell them to carry Ryan to my car. We are done." Raymond gave one last stare at Louis and walked out.

"Well what are you guys waiting for? Go do it." Louis shouted.

Ryan felt his body hitting something soft and there were lights around him. He couldn't tell if it was day or night outside. Someone was holding him down and under the lights, his hair appeared red and his eyes blue.

_Horatio…why…._

Ryan desperately reached up again, but found himself being pushed back by soft hands. A blanket was spread over his chill body and someone has put the opening of a water bottle against his lips and was encouraging him to take a sip.

"H…H…" Ryan whispered weakly. He wanted more than anything was to believe that Horatio has a logically reason for doing this.

Raymond Caine tilted the water bottle against Ryan's lips and allowed the water to flow down. Ryan was trying to say something, but Raymond couldn't really understand his words. Raymond gently laid Ryan in the backseat of his car and handed the water bottle back to Dan.

"Hey man, is he going to be ok?" Dan asked.

"I hope so." Raymond answered as he got into the driver seat and drove off.

The ride back into the city was a rough one for Ryan as each bump and turn made him even sicker. Half way through the ride, Ryan started to tear. He really was feeling ill and the thought that Horatio has somehow betrayed him and the team was causing him to despair.

_Horatio wouldn't do this. Oh but he did Ryan. He sacrificed you for his own gain. You are nothing but a useless toy. He played you. Why did he pick you to do the trading? Think about it Ryan. _

_STOP…STOP…._ The voices in his head were causing Ryan's headache to spike and his hand shot up in the air searching for the source of the voice.

"H…o..ra..tio…" Ryan pathetically attempted to gain Raymond's attention.

The car came to a hasty stop and Ryan felt someone was dragging him by his arms out and his back made contact with the uneven ground. He coughed again and this time Ryan tasted the bitterness of blood in his mouth. When Raymond bended down to check on Ryan, he saw Ryan stared back at him with misty eyes. Ryan had been crying.

But there was no recognition in those blood-shot eyes as if Ryan was staring right through Raymond Caine.

Ryan's mouth parted and with great effort he whispered "Horatio…why…"

* * *

_Horatio Caine__: The rumour of a dirty cop is far juicier than its confirmation.  
__Robert Keaton__: You just called your own brother a dirty cop.  
__Horatio Caine__: Maybe he was, but he didn't deserve to die.  
__Robert Keaton__: We all have to die some time.  
__Horatio Caine__: Some sooner than others._


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: I apologize for the late updates. I have been very busy with my grad school admission essay.

I offer feel the team consists of two teams, with Horatio siding with Eric and Calleigh and Ryan, Natalia and Jesse as the other team. So I want to explore that relationship and bring a conflict into the team. I hope everyone will like it.

Please review! Reviews are like air, water and food to an author. We live off those wonderful feedbacks.

Enjoy

* * *

**Chapter 5: he is expendable**

The sun shined down on Miami causing the daily temperature to spike at 104F. Inside the cool Miami Dade Police department, the tension was just as heated as the temperature outside. Horatio has placed all available staff on finding Ryan. But so far, they haven't had any luck. Eric and Calleigh came back early this morning and were working in the trace lab. Natalia and Jesse have just got back from speaking with a witness and Walter has gone back to the original scene.

Horatio's phone has been ringing not stop since 6a.m. this morning. Not only was Stetler on his case about the incident, but also the FBI, Homeland Security and DEA were all calling to find out the latest development.

To Horatio, the latest development was that one of his team members has been missing for 15 hours. Time was not on their side.

"Here." Frank said as he handed Horatio a cup of coffee.

"Thank you, Frank." Horatio thanked the man who stayed behind to assist him.

"Wolfe is tough; he is going to be ok." Frank said as he stared out the window.

"I wish I had done more." Horatio carefully took a sip of his coffee.

"Horatio, you can't protect those kids all the time. They know the risks that come with the job. You are not responsible for Ryan." Frank said.

"I can't protect them, but I am responsible for Ryan. I personally chose him for the job to prevent endangering others." Horatio speak as a matter of fact.

"Horatio, you make a lot of decision to the best of your ability. You cannot blame yourself for that." Frank comforted his boss.

"Between Eric and Ryan, I felt Ryan was the expendable one. I owe it to Marisol not put Eric in a dangerous situation." Horatio exhaled deeply as he touched his left ring finger. The memory of his wife still burned in his heart. In a way, taking care of Eric was like taking care of Marisol.

Horatio already ruled out using the girls in the lab for the drug trade and so it was down to Jesse, Eric and Ryan. Horatio didn't consider Walter because his big mouth would jeopardize the operation. Horatio didn't use Jesse because his emotion would always get the better of him. The death of Jesse's wife sometimes interfered with his ability to control his feeling.

When it was down to Eric and Ryan, Horatio eventually chose Ryan because deep down Horatio knew this was a risky affair and he didn't want to risk Eric.

Frank wanted to comfort his friend, but he didn't know what to say. Everyone in CSI knew Horatio shared a close relationship with Eric through his sister. Frank couldn't imagine the overwhelming guilt Horatio must have to deal with everyday knowing the bullet that killed Marisol was meant for him.

"We all understand Horatio. You don't have explained anything." Frank said as he put a hand on Horatio's shoulder. No one has the right to judge Horatio Caine because no one had gone through the lost and the pain he has. Frank was damn sure whatever Horatio decided he was going to back his boss.

Natalia stood in the back, witnessing the exchange. She didn't dare to move or breathe.

_I felt Ryan was the expendable one…_

The statement echoed in her head. Her close friend, Ryan was expendable to Horatio. The statement shattered all trust she had in Horatio. It was not fair that Ryan was the one Horatio felt he could afford to lose from the team. She knew Horatio favored Eric and Calleigh and she didn't mind. But to categorize one of them as expendable, to think Horatio didn't mind losing Ryan was beyond what Natalia could take.

She slowly backed away from Horatio and Frank and quickly walked down the hall toward her office. She was already crying by the time she reached her desk. Days of emotion and tiredness battled in her already exhausted mind.

_I felt Ryan was the expendable one…I felt Ryan was the expendable one…I felt Ryan was the expendable one…I felt Ryan was the expendable one…I felt Ryan was the expendable one…_

"Shut up!" Natalia screamed. Her hand covered her face as she sobbed non-stop.

"Natalia, I need you to…" Jesse stopped as soon as he saw Natalia's condition."What happen?"

"Nothing! Go away…" Natalia spoke through tears.

"Natalia…I know the stress is getting to everyone, but…we will find Ryan." Jesse tried to comfort his co-workers.

"No…we wouldn't…Ryan is expendable…" Natalia cried.

"What…?" Jesse was totally confused at what Natalia was saying.

"Horatio SAID Ryan was expendable!" Natalia practically screamed.

'What…? H said that?" Jesse couldn't believe it. Horatio would never say something like this.

"I heard it. We are not going to find Ryan because Horatio said Ryan was expendable." Natalia sobbed.

"I don't know what you heard, but there got to be an explanation for it. Horatio is not like. I know Horatio." Jesse stated.

'You don't know him at all…he done it before! He used Ryan to fake his own death because he didn't want to endanger anyone else's career." Natalia shouted.

Jesse was taken aback by Natalia's action. She was usually calm, but for her to react like this, Horatio must have said something.

"Wait here." Jesse said as he ran out the door. He needed an explanation and he needed now. If Horatio truly felt Ryan was expendable then under his leadership, they weren't going to find Ryan.

Jesse fanatical searched for his boss. He looked in every room and checked all the labs. Finally he saw Horatio and Frank standing by the window.

"Horatio, I need answers!" Jesse ran up the two. Jesse wasn't afraid to challenge his boss. He wanted to know that every effort he made and every minute he spent was going to help find Ryan. He wasn't going to let anyone stand in his path to find his friend.

"What can I do for you, Jesse?" Horatio asked as he turned around with Frank to face Jesse. Frank was taken surprise by Jesse's strong tone.

"Just answer me, is Ryan expendable?" Jesse asked abruptly.

"Jesse…"Horatio took a deep breath.

"God damn it! Answer the question Horatio!" Jesse yelled.

"That is out of the line Jesse!" Frank walked up and pushed Jesse back.

"How could you think one of your CSI is expendable?" Jesse asked as his hand turned into a fist.

"Jesse, I didn't think Mr. Wolfe is expendable. I would never. But I had to choose a person to do a dangerous job and I selected Mr. Wolfe." Horatio answered calmly and looked at Jesse in the eyes.

"You pick Wolfe because he was expendable to you!" Jesse fired back. However, the minute Jesse said that he saw the hurt and the pain in his boss's eyes. Those eyes reflected years of worry, lost and anguish.

"Jesse that is enough!" Frank warned.

"No, no, his blood is on your hand Horatio. I am going to find Ryan, but I am not going to take anymore order from you." Jesse said. "My old chief believed justice requires sacrifices and we buried 12 good men. You can tell this to Ryan's mom." Jesse turned and walked away.

"Horatio, I will take care of this." Frank said, but Horatio stopped Frank before he could go after Jesse.

"No, I will handle this." Horatio spoke softly. "Find Ryan."

* * *

Eric: _[confused]_ Why Wolfe? Why not come to me?

Horatio: Eric, you were the obvious choice. There was a chance that this might fail-and I didn't want that for you.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N:

Thanks for all the reviews. They were very kind and encouragements for me. I am sorry I made Horatio a bad guy for now. I promise at the end, he and Ryan will have a greater understanding.

As always, please review and I will try to update the story on a faster pace.

Bluewater

* * *

**Chapter 6: Will my brother understand? **

Ryan felt like he was on fire. He already kicked the blanket that was covering him, but he still couldn't feel any cooler.

Raymond took Ryan to a boat house that he rented by the Miami Beach. Ryan was in a bad shape and the temperature in Miami wasn't helping either. Raymond wetted a towel and placed it on Ryan's forehead, hoping it would provide some comfort to the young men.

Raymond has been part of a joint undercover operation to assist the Mexican government in capturing the top drug lords. It was an effort on the Mexican government to fight the drug smuggling business. Raymond was part of the American team. Selling Ryan out was not a choice, but essential to save his insider, Louis.

When Raymond's team failed to capture Al, he knew Louis' cover and his operation would be both blow up soon if he didn't direct the attention on to something else. It was then he discovered that his brother's team was investigated a homicide case that involved the drug lord he was trying to bring down. Raymond sold out the undercover CSI to save his own operation. It wasn't an easy choice, but one that he knew he had to make.

_Will my brother understand?_

Ryan tossed and turned on the floor as if he was caught in a nightmare. Raymond sighed and kneed to check on the CSI. The instant Raymond made contact with Ryan; he lashed out and grabbed hold of Raymond's hand.

Whimpering like a dying dog, Ryan struggled to hold on Raymond and begged "Please…I... need to feel it…"

Raymond suddenly back away from Ryan. He recognized the symptoms of a drug addict.

"Anything…I will do…anything…" Ryan begged as tears rolled down his eyes.

Raymond slowly picked up Ryan and held him against his chest as if the simple action would cure Ryan.

"Shhh…just hold-on, after this it will get better. I know." Raymond softly coaxed. It would never get better. Raymond knew. He touched the drug before and was addicted to it. Even after several trips to the rehab, he was still struggling with his addiction. He was eager to be part of the operation because it meant he could feed his addiction.

Ryan trembled against Raymond and cried silently against his chest.

It was Ryan's soft whisper of his brother's name that broke Raymond's thought and looked at the young man in his arm.

"Ho..ra..tio…..m.e" Ryan stared Raymond in the eyes and faintly pleaded.

The words frightened Raymond and he immediately placed Ryan on the ground and ran out the boat house.

He couldn't think anymore. Ryan was going to die if he didn't take him to a hospital, but how could he explain this to Louis and his brother. The withdraw symptoms indicated Ryan needed professional help to separate from the drug.

_NO! I worked too hard for this operation to fall._

Raymond quickly got into his car and drove off. He picked up his phone as he drove through the streets of Miami.

"Dan, it's me, our plan needs to change. Watch Louis and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. We need to take Al down."

* * *

"It's not important what people say about us. It's only important what we know inside about ourselves."  
- Horatio Caine to Raymond Caine, Jr.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: I apologize for the late update. I have been fanatical trying to finish this story and my grad school admission essays.

FYI: Ryan has been injected with cocaine. I think some people got confused with that.

So my story has taken a new turn. I added another plot to it, but I am not sure if I should keep it. I would really appreciate my reader's feedback.

I added several chapters that deal with Horatio, Eric and Ryan's relationships and major anguish for Horatio.

(little preview/spoiler of what is to come). Horatio gets hurt and new complications arise because the turn of the event. Please please let me know if is ok to add several chapters that add this new plot and turn of event in the story

Thank you so much

As always I enjoy reading all my reviews, so please review!

~BW

* * *

**Chapter 7: His departure **

Natalia watched as Jesse stormed off.

_Oh god what have I done…_

She was about to chase Jesse when her cell phone rang. Her friend at the DEA had located an old newspaper warehouse where the drug dealers used to operate. They told her it was a long shot, but her co-worker might be held hostage there.

Natalia quickly wiped her tears and gathered her courage. Ryan needed her. She needed to find her friend. She was about to report it to Horatio, when she realized Horatio might not want Ryan found. With the news, she walked to find the one person she didn't completely trust, but didn't have a choice but to use him, Rick Stetler.

Natalia realized once she told Stetler about Horatio, he was more than happy to help her.

"Horatio, I was looking for you." Stetler said as he and Natalia walked up to him.

"Rick, what can I do for you?" Horatio looked at Natalia and then Stetler, but he didn't say anything to Natalia.

"You are put on temporary leave due to conflict of interest." Stetler said

Horatio smiled at Stetler and said "What might that conflict of interest be?"

"You are a person of interest in the disappearing of CSI Ryan Wolfe."Stetler stated. "Miss. Boa Vista had informed me of your opinion in regard to Mr. Wolfe."

Horatio looked at Natalia with hurtful eyes. He realized it was not just Jesse that heard him.

"Your gun and badge, Horatio." Stetler held out his hand.

"Natalia, do you really believe that I would hurt Ryan?" Horatio ignored Stetler's order and stared directly at Natalia.

"I am sorry, Lieutenant, I don't know what to believe anymore. But I know I have to find Ryan and I wouldn't let anyone stand in the way." Natalia answered in an even tone. She never felt so terrible in her life. She trusted Horatio with her life, but right now she told herself to believe in the evidence because Ryan depended on her.

"Ok, then promise me Natalia, find him." Horatio said as he handed his gun and badge to Stetler. He glanced at Stetler and said "don't let your hand dirty my gun and badge; I am going to get it back."

Without another word Horatio walked toward the stairs. Horatio never felt this lost. Ryan was still out there struggling for his life, he lost his authority, but most of all, his team didn't trust him anymore.

He always had his team no matter how hard the case was or how dangerous the situation was. But right now, Jesse hated him and Natalia didn't trust him. But one thing was for sure, he wasn't going to stop looking for Ryan just because Stetler took his badge and gun. If he had to search every inch of Miami then so be it.

"H!" Eric yelled and chased his brother-in-law.

Horatio stopped and looked at Eric. "Eric, right now let's drop this and concentrate on finding Ryan." Horatio spoke before Eric even got a chance to open his mouth.

"H, I am not going to let Stetler bullied you out the lab." Eric said.

"That's not important right now Eric. I am going to use my resource outside the lab to find a break and you need to get back in there and help them find Ryan." Horatio's tone left no room for argument.

"H…"

"Eric, everything will be explained, but right now find Ryan." Horatio spoke with urgency.

"Ok." Eric slowly nodded.

"Call me if you guys find out anything ok. Time is not on our side." Horatio smiled at Eric and turned to get into his hummer.

Eric watched as Horatio drove off into the Miami heat. Time really wasn't on their side anymore. In a couple of hours, Ryan would have been missing for 36 hours.

* * *

_Bullets fly, people die.  
__It is not so scary when your friends are nearby_

_A knife to the chest, a bleeding heart  
It is not so painful when your friends are here to erase the scar_

_Fires burn, smokes suffocate  
It is not so hard to breathe when your friends stay _

_Please don't leave,__  
Please don't deceive  
Please don't grieve_

_Please believe in my faithfulness to lead_

_-Bluewater_


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: I apologize for the late update. It was not my intention to do so. I received a review that criticized my English writing skills. I am very self-conscious about the grammatical mistakes because English is not my first language. I had a hard time continuing my story because every time I try to write, my fear of grammatical errors and typo would stop me. I guess what I am saying is being a writer is not easy and being a good writer is extremely difficult.

I am going to continue the story and continue on to work on improving my grammar. I love writing, even though I am not very good at it. I want to thank all my readers who take the time to read my story and forgive my mistakes. It really means a lot to me. So please forgive me if there are typos and grammatical errors. I will try my best to avoid them in the future.

Bluewater

* * *

Chapter 8: He is just another addict

Ryan heard someone slammed the door, but he couldn't really comprehend what was going on. His skin felt like being poke by needles and his skin felt like someone had poured gasoline and lighted on fire. He could barely move his legs and arms. Ryan struggled to push himself off the floor, but failed miserably. A small sob escaped Ryan as he lied on the dirty floor.

The humility in Miami was making Ryan extra thirty and he hungrily licked his cracked lips. With great difficulty Ryan extended out his left hand in search of anything that could satisfy his thirst. But he felt nothing but dirt. Taken a deep breath, Ryan turned sideway and got on all four; he was determined to get up. After struggling several times, he was able to sit up against the wooden wall.

Ryan didn't recognize his surrounding at all. He hugged his ribs as another coughing fit sized his body. He found that it was hard for him to breathe in the hot air.

_Horatio…_

Pushing his thought aside, Ryan rubbed his eyes and pushed himself up against the wooden wall. He needed to get out of here. Using the wall as support, Ryan's trembling legs carried him toward the door of the boathouse and he gently pushed it open. He poked his head out to check his surroundings and when he was sure that no one was looking, he limped slowly out and walked toward a water fountain on the beach.

The minute Ryan reached the water fountain he desperately drunk the sweet water and slanted against the fame for support.

"Look mommy look, that man is sick." A little girl pointed at Ryan.

The mother immediately took the little girl's hand and hastily walked away.

Ryan heard the girl, but he didn't bother to look. He was so miserable. For the first time in 3 days, Ryan was able to see the sunlight and he smelled the ocean. He realized he was somewhere on the beach and he also was attracting a lot of attention as the people around him was giving him worry and weird stares.

Ryan pushed himself off the water fountain and walked hastily toward the streets. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he knew he wanted whatever in the warehouse that made him felt so good. Ryan allowed his feet to carry him through the crowds and the traffic. He finally stopped in a garbage alley, completely exhausted.

It was the sound of sirens that woke Ryan from his trouble sleep. As he adjusted to the darkness around him, bright lights suddenly flashed toward him and someone was yelling for him to stand-up.

"Put your hands on your head and slowly stand-up!"

Ryan ignored the instruction and buried his head behind his legs.

"Sir, I need you to get-up and place your hands where I can see them!"

The noise was starting to bother Ryan. He didn't understand why they couldn't just leave him alone.

When Ryan turned his head to look at the source of the voice, red and blue lights immediately blinded him. The lights reminded him this nightclub he used to go, but he couldn't put a name to it. Suddenly hands were placed on his shoulder and somebody was dragging him to his feet.

'Let me go!" Ryan yelled as he struggled weakly against the cops that were trying to get him toward their car.

"Sir, I need you to stop fighting or else I will be forced to tase you." An officer warned.

However, Ryan continued to struggle as he was forced into their car. The A/C in the car was a huge drop in temperature compare to the humidity of the Florida summer night. Ryan shivered against the leather seat as his body tried to seek warmth.

"Hey Mandy, should we take him to the hospital?" An officer asked.

"He is just an addict that needs his fix. Throw him in the jail and he will fine in a couple of hours." Officer Mandy answered.

After working for the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) for three years, Mandy had his share of drug addicts and the family they destroyed. So he had no sympathy for any of them because they would only end up being society's problems.

The other officer looked at Ryan, shook his head and got into the car with Officer Mandy and drove off into the Florida night.

* * *

"Every writer I know has trouble writing." ~Joseph Heller


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: I like to thank everyone's support and words. I really don't think I deserve any of them as I am not that good of a writer. So thank you to everyone again for your support and encouragement.

As always review is the best gift!

Enjoy

~BW

* * *

**Chapter 9, His haunting eyes**

When Raymond got back to the boathouse that night, Ryan was nowhere to be found.

"Shit." Raymond didn't think Ryan was capable of sitting in his condition and not to mention walking. Raymond should have locked it.

Still frustrated about his lack of judgment, Raymond Caine made several calls to local friends for help.

It was his friends at the DEA that informed Raymond about a drug addict that the Miami Beach Police picked up off the street that fitted his description of Ryan.

"Mandy, DEA said you got someone that fit my informant description. I am coming over to pick him up."

"Yea not a problem, DEA already called about it" Office Mandy said as he looked at Ryan.

Ryan cuddled in the corner of the cell. He was really thirty, but the cops refused to give him water. The bright lights in the cell annoyed him, but Ryan was too tired to care.

Raymond was glad that DEA's connection with the local police paid off. He never used his real name with cops and it was always his DEA agent's name, John Lane. It was simply a way to survive in a world where you weren't sure who was your friend and who was your enemy.

"John, it's good to see you." Mandy said.

Office Mandy used to work for the DEA and Raymond Caine, known only to him as John Lane, was one of his undercover partners. However, Mandy transferred out of DEA long before the mess Raymond got into.

Raymond Caine nodded towards his old DEA buddy. "It has been awhile Mandy."

"Haha yea a long time. Glad to see you." Mandy laughed. "Your informant seems high on drug."

"Yea he has a habit of it. I will take him back and get him clean-up." Raymond said as he looked at Ryan.

"Alright, just signed here and he is all yours." Mandy pointed to the paper in front of Raymond.

"Ok, and also Mandy, I am afraid he is going to act-up, can you put him in zip-ties?" Raymond asked.

'Yea not a problem, John" Mandy motioned the cops by the jail door to get Ryan out.

Ryan didn't want to move because the slightest movement was causing him a great deal of pain.

"No…"Ryan whispered as the cop bended down to haul Ryan up by his arms.

Raymond didn't like how Ryan looked. His skin was pale and covered in perspiration. Ryan could barely stand-up by himself. His lips cracked from the lack of fluid and his eyes dazed around the room. Ryan was showing clear signs of withdraw.

Mandy forcefully put the zip-ties around Ryan's wrists and led Ryan to Raymond.

"Ok, John, good luck with him." Mandy smiled at his old partner.

"Thanks." Raymond said and took hold of Ryan by his shoulders. Raymond half dragged and half supported Ryan out of the Miami Beach Police Department and into the front passage seat of his car.

Raymond quickly pulled out a syringe out of his glove compartment and an alcohol wipe out of his pocket. He rolled up Ryan's sleeve up, a task that was a little difficult because Ryan's hands were bound behind him, and applied the wipe on his shoulder. Raymond unwillingly pushed Ryan's head to the side so that he wouldn't have to look at Ryan's haunting eyes. With one swift movement, he injected a syringe full of methadone into Ryan.

Methadone is an alternative to cocaine and has been used by the medical community as an anti-addictive drug.

Raymond hoped the methadone would relieve some of the withdraw symptoms that Ryan was experiencing.

Ryan coughed weakly. He was simply too tired to fight anymore. His mind was racing at a speed that his body was unwilling to follow.

"I just…want…go…go..home…please?" Ryan begged as tears rolled down his face.

For a moment Raymond was considered taking Ryan to Horatio. But his goal stopped him. He needed to finish want he started, bring down this drug cartel.

"Ryan, I need you to stay awake ok? Can you do that for me?" Raymond asked softly.

At first it didn't seem like Ryan heard Raymond, but then Ryan simply nodded.

Half way through the drive, Ryan moaned softly and turned his head to look at Raymond. The night light illumined Raymond Caine's blond hair and made him looked like Horatio.

"H, why...?" Ryan whispered.

"Why what?"Raymond simply asked.

"I…d..o.n.'t…kn..ow." Ryan answered. Ryan was afraid. In his mind, he was riding with Horatio. He was afraid that Horatio would turn back and leave him at the jail. He wanted to know what happened and why Horatio was acting strange.

"There is no easy answer to this. I am sorry." Raymond said. He didn't want to explain to Ryan.

Raymond tightened his grip on the wheel as he realized one day he has to face his brother and answer for the things he has done.

Ryan took the answer and drifted in and out of sleep as Raymond pulled into a drive way.

Dan was already outside waiting for them. As Raymond parked the car, Dan opened the passage side door and gently pulled Ryan out.

"I gave him a dose of methadone. It should help him until tomorrow morning." Raymond said as he helped Dan support Ryan into the house.

"Ok." Dan nodded and with Raymond dropped Ryan on the couch. Ryan was rumbling about something, but either Raymond or Dan could understand him.

"What about the zip-ties?" Dan asked.

"Keep it; he was able to walk out of the boat house." Raymond answered.

"Ok what next?" Dan asked.

"We take down Al. One way or another he is going down." Raymond said as he picked up the gun on the coffee table and holstered it beside his belt.

"I had to use Ryan to cover up the last operation; we don't have much time before Al figures this out." Raymond looked at Dan and both men headed out the door, leaving Ryan on the couch alone.

Ten minutes later, Ryan managed to roll of the couch and slammed his head against the edge the coffee table. A trail of blood slowly dripped down from Ryan's temple.

"H…H…help…." Ryan weakly called. When Ryan didn't hear a response he believed Horatio had left him.

Ryan didn't bother to hold back his tears anymore.

* * *

_Horatio__: "__Tomorrow's what you make of it."_


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey guys! I am very sorry about not updating for almost months. I been tied up with grad school application and finally that is over! Also work has been very busy. I know how frustrating it is when an author does not update the story. So I like to take the chance to thank everyone for putting up with me!

Enjoy and as always reviews are the best gift!

* * *

**Chapter 10: You never give him a chance to explain**

Natalia and Calleigh went to check out the newspaper warehouse that Natalia's friend informed her about.

The ride was a silent one. Calleigh drove as Natalia looked out the window.

Calleigh heard about the exchange between Natalia and Horatio from Eric. She wanted to shake Natalia but she also understood their priority was to find Ryan.

"Miami-Dade police already cleared the area. They said they found some syringes and a rope on the ground. Ryan could have been held here." Natalia said as she and Calleigh entered the warehouse.

Calleigh walked over to where a handful emptied syringes were. She opened her tool box, put on latex gloves and picked-up one of the syringes.

"We wouldn't know for sure if Ryan was here until we get this back to the lab." Calleigh said.

"Yea." Natalia agreed. But somehow deep down she could feel Ryan was here and he was hurt by those monsters.

Natallia and Calleigh collected the evidences in silence. Neither spoke to the other during the process.

"Ok this is killing me; we can't pretend like nothing happen." Calleigh finally broke the silence.

"I don't have to explain." Natalia quickly defended herself.

"No, but of all the people you went to Rick!" Calleigh raised her voice a little. She couldn't believe that a rational person like Natalia would go to Rick for help.

"Rick helped me." Natalia answered back.

"Honestly Natalia, you believe Horatio would hurt Ryan?" Calleigh asked as both of them stopped in front the Hummer.

"Then explain to me why he thinks Ryan is expendable?" Natalia answer back with her own question.

"You and Jesse never gave Horatio a chance to explain, charging into there and accusing him. But most of all, you and Jesse hurt him like no one else has in the past. Did you even stop and think about what you have done?" Calleigh stared at Natalia.

"No, because I have been too busy thinking whether Ryan is alive or dead!" Natalia shouted back.

"You think you are the only one that cares? I made the call and I know I am solely responsible for Ryan's life. If you got something then take it out on me. Leave Horatio out of this. He has done nothing but worry about Ryan and the rest of us for the past 48 hours. He barely eats or sleeps!" It was Calleigh's turn to yell back.

"Oh cut the bullshit Calleigh, he is not that innocent." Natalia fired back.

Calleigh wanted to punch Natalia then and there. But somehow she stopped herself.

"No…he is not…he bears more guilt and blame than anyone. Next time when you get a chance to see him, take a good look at his face and see how he had aged compare to when you first joined us. He practically has exhausted himself for this lab! He is sick" Calleigh trailed off.

"What?..."Natalia looked up. "What did you said?"

"I don't know!" Calleigh immediately regretted revealing the information. She wasn't sure, but she was sure she saw something. "I saw him a couple of weeks ago in the lunch room coughing and he had a napkin covering his mouth. I didn't think of anything then…but after Horatio left and I walked over to throw away my trash, I saw the napkin he threw in the trashcan. There was blood on it…I was sure."

"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Natalia threw her hand up in the air to vent her frustration.

"I wasn't sure. I asked Horatio later if he was ok, if he was seeing a doctor." Calleigh defended. "But really Natalia, would it have made a difference?"

"No, I mean yes, I mean no, I mean this kind lack of communication is what going to break us apart." Natalia said sadly. "I don't want that to happen…"

"Me either." Calleigh exhaled deeply.

"Does Eric know?" Natalia asked.

"No, I didn't want to alert him. I don't know what to say to him." Calleigh answered.

"Do you think Horatio is ok?" Natalia asked regretfully.

"I don't know anymore." Calleigh answered. "But I am 100 percent sure that Horatio would never put Ryan in danger. He cares deeply about all of us."

Natalia wanted to shoot herself. She felt incredibly stupid for what she had done. How could she doubt Horatio? The man would give his life for her in a heartbeat.

"Let's go back first. We will talk about this after we find Ryan." Calleigh said as she opened the Hummer door for Natalia.

"Ok" Natalia simply agreed.

* * *

**"**Did you know Horatio was the first CSI?

"He was... the what?"

**"**In Hamlet, When Hamlet was poisoned and dying, he asked his best friend Horatio to tell the world who murdered him."

-CSI Miami 1.15


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Merry Christmas to everyone! Remember, the best Christmas gift is a review!

* * *

Chapter 11: We're cool?

"Jesse, Miami Beach Police Department responded to Ryan's picture." Eric said as he walked over to meet with Jesse.

'What?" Jesse asked.

"Horatio sent Ryan's picture out to other cities' police departments near Miami in the hope of generating a lead." Eric explained. "The cops at Miami Beach are not sure, but they said they picked-up someone that looked like Ryan last night."

"Ok." Jesse answered as he concentrated on the computer screen in front of him.

"Are you listening to me?" Eric put his hand in front of the screen.

"Yes boss I am." Jesse looked up.

"What's your problem?" Eric faced Jesse.

"You!" Jesse answered back.

"I haven't even beaten the shit out of you for talking like that to Horatio and now you are acting like this with me." Eric was completely pissed off at Jesse's attitude.

"What Delko, you want to take this outside? I will be more than happy to fight you." Jesse said and inched forward toward Eric.

"You are not worth it." Eric said and backed down. "You are not worth it because a person likes you who could so easily lose faith in his friend and comrade is not worth dirtying my hand."

"You know what Delko…Horatio picked Ryan to protect you. If anyone has to take the blame then it's you." Jesse accused Eric.

"Yea, you know what I would be more than willing to take Ryan's place right now. Or better I want to take Horatio's place because not only does he have to deal with people that want him dead, but also friends that don't trust him!" Eric shouted.

Jesse took a deep breath and back-off from Eric's personal space.

"You know he would never hurt Ryan or any of us. H would take Ryan's place in a heartbeat" Eric explained. "Do you have any idea the guilt he lives with every day? No matter what I say to him, I could always see that edge of sadness in his eyes about my sister's death."

"I know…" Jesse quietly spoke. "I didn't mean for the event to turn out like this."

"Look Jesse I am not asking anything from you, just work with me to find Ryan ok." Eric said.

"Yea man, l know. Let's go check out Miami Beach." Jesse said.

"Alright. We cool?" Eric asked.

'Yea Eric, I am…I will talk to Horatio." Jesse said

"Alright, after we find Wolfe." Eric answered.

* * *

**Eric**: _[confused]_ Why Wolfe? Why not come to me?

**Horatio**: Eric, you were the obvious choice. There was a chance that this might fail-and I didn't want that for you.

-CSI Miami 7.1


End file.
